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On Friday morning I had a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram). It's a basic step to determine the cause of female infertility and is basically to ensure that the Uterus is of normal shape and size, tubes are open, and that there aren't any other abnormalities. Here is a link to some info and pictures on the procedure. http://www.advancedfertility.com/hsg.htm.

Now, don't let the very accurate description of this procedure fool you into thinking its no big deal as I did prior to having it done. While I am no expert on labor (obviously) I believe its pretty comparable in the way that if you knew what it would feel like before hand you wouldn't do it and once you have had it, you forget had bad it actually was. In short...it was FUCKING HORRIBLE. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced and I have had a major operation. Below is a brief description of the events that transpired.

Thursday Night:
Brad and I get into a huge fight. Mostly because I am completly stressed and scared and nervous and he seemed to be his normal chipper self. Probably because the following day someone wasn't going to shoot shit up his private parts. *sigh*

Friday Morning:
7am: Brad goes to work and I get up to prepare for a 10am arrival at the hospital. I'm so nervous I am peeing every 5 mins...despite the fact that I am not producing any urine. LOL.
930am: I take a pain killer (thank god for my friend who has a drug store in her kitchen) and depart for the hospital. Previously my doctor had told me to take Motrin but some wise ladies on my chats told me that I would need something much more powerful. I am so freaking nervous I can barely concentrate and somehow I have to pee again? WTF!
10am: I arrive at the hospital and pull up to the "free" vallet service as the nurse instructed me to do. All I can think is "man I need to pee" and "I wonder if you are supposed to tip the guys when its free vallet?" I still don't know the answer to the latter and if anyone does...Id love to know. I register at the desk, get my arm bracelet and take a sheet of stickers with my name on them up to radiology where I have to check in at yet another desk. Now the wait begins.
10:15am: still waiting. Its killing me! The good news is I feel the pain killer kicking in. This gives me some reassurance that this whole thing won't be that bad. Huh! if only I knew better I would have ran screaming then!
1030am: the time my actual appointment is scheduled. Apparently, I had to come a half hour early in case the 2min registration took 30min or so they could torture me with the wait. Not sure.
10:45am: Murphy's Law kicks in. Also, the time the MALE x-ray tech comes to get me. Are you fucking kidding? Out of all the women x-ray techs in this hospital...they give me the MALE? Of course they did, why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't I want to show some strange MAN my vagina? Now I will highlight the series of unfortunate events that take place once I get into the "back room."

-Some lady in a wheel chair half consious is sitting in the middle of what is supposed to be MY room. The MALE x-ray tech (did I mention he was male...lol) wheels her into a hallway that "happens" to have a window similar to a port hole on a ship. Maybe so she could watch?
-The MALE x-ray tech gives me a gown, two towels, a washcloth, and a giant pad. Tells me to get into the gown and leave the rest in the bathroom saying "you will need those later." Hmmm...not a good sign.
-The MALE x-ray tech tells me to get on the table and put my ass on a PILE of folded towels which only indicates that there will apparently be a lot of fluid escaping during this procedure. Lucky me. He then goes on to tell me "the last girl had a really hard time with this procedure but not to worry." So apparently...he's the designated vagina picture taker. Nice. Where the fuck is my dr!?
-After an uncomfortable 5mins in the room "conversating" with the MALE x-ray tech who is about to see my vagina, my Dr. finally shows up WITH 2 students. Anyone else want tickets to this show? WTF!?
-The procedure is about to be underway. Of course the student is performing it under supervision of my Dr. Apparently, patients don't get a choice in the matter. In walks ANOTHER male x-ray tech to help the first one....did I mention Murphy's Law yet?
-They use some "clip" thing to hold my cervix (ouch). Here is the technical version of this:
a tenaculum is placed on the cervix and then a narrow metal cannula is inserted through the cervical opening. Only the fucking student didn't get it right and it came off and guess who had to endure it AGAIN? that would be me...the poor son of a bitch with her legs in the air for the 5 people in the room to see. Not to mention those watching through the port hole. Fucking Spectacular!
-The Dr. tells me that now they will inject the dye (which is clear,thick, and sticky by the way). She says "it will be a lot of pressure, but it doesn't last long." Ok, that is a fucking understatement if I have ever heard one.
-I start screaming "OH MY GOD," the Dr. starts screaming to the student (who is probably terrified) "keep pushing it," and the fucking yahoo MALE X-ray tech is saying "I told you it was going to be uncomfortable!" Are you fucking kidding me. This is not uncomfortable and who the fuck told you to talk. You dumb fucking piece of shit. Take the fucking picture!
-Its over and they take the metal cannula thingy out to realize that I am POURING blood from my cervix. Murphy's Law anyone? The Dr. starts screaming at the dumb MALE x-ray tech to get some sort of blood stopping medication that HE CANNOT FIND! She sends him to SURGERY dept. to get some and apologizes to me but my cervix won't stop bleeding.
-Meanwhile I have excruciating cramps and 4 people staring at my now bloody vagina. My Dr. has her arm up my Va Jay Jay putting pressure on my cervix. *sigh* somehow, I knew that this would go horribly wrong.
-Finally, we have drugs, my Dr. removes her arm, the bloody gauze and miscellaneous medical equipment and she shows me the pictures. NORMAL. COMPLETLY FUCKING NORMAL. Im thrilled and at the same time planning my escape route from this fucking hell hole.
-My Dr. explains that I can only use pads today since the dye is "sticky" tampons will get stuck. Nice. Her and her students exit and leave me with the MALE x-ray tech (anyone see anything wrong with this?) to get cleaned up.
-I go into the bathroom and throw my clothes on...fuck cleaning up at this point I WANT OUT! Male x-ray tech does me the kind favor of "walking me out." Walk of Shame anyone???

Really long story short, I didn't tip the free vallet guy and drove straight to the nearest fast food joint to get a giant milkshake. Took some more vicodin and went home to lay on the couch in severe pain and bleeding like a stuffed pig. By night time (and after another vicodin and 4 advil) the pain subsided and I was able to watch a movie.

You may be wondering where we go from here since I am so "normal" yet I can't get pg. Well, join the club. I have to make an office appt tomorrow so we can "discuss our plan," as the Dr. put it. *sigh* The following excerpt does make me hopefull that all this was not in vain:

*Pregnancy rates in several studies have been reported to be slightly increased in the first months following a hysterosalpingogram. This may be due to the fact that the flushing of the tubes with the contrast could open a minor blockage or clean out some debris that may be a factor that is preventing the couple from conceiving. Some of these studies suggest that using oil based contrast provides a greater increase in pregnancy rates after a hysterosalpingogram than does the use of water based contrast.*

Pray!