Not hopeful

So last week I went to have an ultrasound done to check my follicles (things that hold the eggs) and it was not the best news. I had 2 on my rt side that were a bit small and then one on the left that was REALLY BIG. Too big. You see...the world of follicles can be somewhat compared to Cinderella and the glass slipper. That is it has to be JUST right. Too big is no good and too small is no good. So basically, I don't have a shot in Hell this month. Great. My dr. pretty much had the same face as she did when she told me my baby didn't have a heartbeat last month. I think she feels bad. I would if I was her. Life just seems to be sucking it up this year. Yay me.

Back in the game

The TTC game that is. Im not sure if I am happy or sad. I am definitely nervous and excited but really trying not to be super hopeful. I got AF on Wednesday, which was exactly 30 days post D&C. Thats pretty good considering most women don't get it for like 6 weeks. I called the Dr. and they called in the same meds that I used when I conceived. I really hope I can get pg again this time but I know deep down that it might not be the case. I guess my biggest fear is how I will handle it if I don't. I know that I am already mentally on the verge of a meltdown. I hate my job, the place I live, my school, my infertility, myself. But I already have 3 appts a month for my infertility and thats hard to manage wiith work, let alone worrying about appts for my severe depression. Ugh. So anyway, thats my life for now. I have a U/S on the 16th to check for follicles (eggs) and get my shot. Wish me luck!