2.5 Years of TTC

The end of this month officially marks 2.5 years of trying to make a little baby.

I am on CD11, back on Clomid since my Dr. was generous enough to allow me the drugs this month. Im still pissed at her. To make things worse, her nurse was a total Bitch (yes capital B)this time. It went like this:

Nurse: "the dr. said we could do the meds again. Did you fill your prescription from last month?"
Me: "I didn't have meds last month."
Nurse: "I KNOW that! but did you FILL the prescription?"
Me:"ummm...I was never given a prescription to fill since I wasn't going to take the meds!"

Usually, she is very nice. Maybe she had a bad day? To which I reply, try having a bad day for 2 1/2 years bitch, and then go ahead and speak to me in the manner you just did. It doesn't seem as snotty written out but I assure you, it was. The other thing that ticks me off is doesn't she have my records? do they not keep track of prescriptions that are given? I mean WTF people???

Anyways, tomorrow is my ultrasound to check my follicles. I better have a couple of big ones. Please GOD, please. Then I get to come home and babysit a 5yr old and a 3 month old for a friend. Just for a few hours. I love kids so it doesn't really bother me.

The pregnant lady that came to the BBQ yesterday...that bothers me. I had my fair share of margaritas, to say the least. I wasn't expecting preggers to be there so I was wholly unprepared. Which, makes it worse.

Mother's Day

sucked.

Really, did anyone expect different? My Mother In Law was the ONLY one to call and see how I was doing. Not my own mother, not my aunt, not a single friend, HELL...not even my own husband!? I mean, I know it can't be an easy thing to bring up but my Mother in Law just called and said "how are you doing today?" That's all I needed or wanted...just to be acknowledged. After all, I should be almost 30wks pregnant and enjoying my first Mother's Day. Finally. :*(

So, the day totally sucked. Brad and I got into a huge fight over a really stupid thing. I don't know why. He says its because I am about to get my period. Well, DAMN I HOPE SO!!! Today is CD43...yes 43. Son of a monkeys butt!!

Here is a Mothers Day poem that someone posted on an online loss board:

A Mother’s Day Wish From Heaven

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
~ by Jody Seilheimer ~

Completely Frustrated!!

So, I am going on 35 days without AF! WTF!? I *knew* this was going to happen. I just knew it. The freaking Dr. made me skip the drugs this month and I was terrified it would screw up my body and well...looky looky at who was right. ME!!! I am so irritated, and no..Im NOT pregnant. I took a test this morning and several other mornings before and its NEGATIVE completly NEGATIVE. Proving my theory correct. Now, not only did my Dr. WASTE an entire month but now we are into the 2nd month and Im still sitting around guessing when mother nature will pay me a visit. Nice.