Completely Frustrated!!

So, I am going on 35 days without AF! WTF!? I *knew* this was going to happen. I just knew it. The freaking Dr. made me skip the drugs this month and I was terrified it would screw up my body and well...looky looky at who was right. ME!!! I am so irritated, and no..Im NOT pregnant. I took a test this morning and several other mornings before and its NEGATIVE completly NEGATIVE. Proving my theory correct. Now, not only did my Dr. WASTE an entire month but now we are into the 2nd month and Im still sitting around guessing when mother nature will pay me a visit. Nice.

Still Waiting for AF to Show

Pretty sure this is the boat Im getting on this month:

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Brad turns 31 today!

Happy Birthday!!! Its not like he reads this blog, but its the thought that counts, right? I figured I would make a little post about it since the whole point in this blog is to keep track of our journey to parenthood (fingers crossed). So, wow...31! We are old. I can't believe he's in his 30's!!! Even though...this technically happened last year. 31 just seems so much older than 30. I really wish I could give him a baby and I feel so bad that he will be an older father. I know that this is something he never really wanted as his parents are older. But, what can I do?

Other than the big birthday news, there really is not much going on. I have been feeling pretty depressed the past few days. I think its just the hormone shift. I should be in the 2ww now. Its Day 21. I never got a + ovulation test but I wasn't super consistent either. I think I'm really close to giving up to be honest. I really want to be pg....really really bad but its almost like I am not willing to fight for it anymore. *sigh* Again, could be the hormones. They have a tendency to screw with me month to month!

HAPPY EASTER!!

So, today is Easter 2009. Which effectively marks the 3rd Easter since I started TTC. How depressing is that? I have started a new goal in life and that is to loose 10lbs by the end of June. I have gained 10lbs since this whole TTC thing and its really dragging me down. The low self esteem that being infertile causes really is a problem thats overlooked. I really have been feeling pretty bad about myself since I am infertile and fat! Anyway, I joined a gym and had my first couple of sessions with a personal trainer. Which was good. I am going to also take classes there 2x a week...cardio kickboxing and yoga.

Nothing much on the fertility front. I have tons of EWCM this month which is fabulous! It never occurred to me how much Clomid drys you up. Although, I always still have some its not like this!!! We aren't killing ourselves over the BD thing because, lets face it...I most likely will not get pg anyway...so whats the point. Its been a nice little break and a good time to refocus my energy on something other than my barren womb!

Here is to hoping this is my last Easter childless!!!

Are You Kidding!?

So, oddly...March was yet another infertile month for me. Seriously, its starting to get really old. Im starting to wish I was dying or something because then at least there would be an end in sight. *sigh*

So I called the nurse to tell her that Aunt Flo came and I need my meds called in ect... Well, she calls me back and tells me that I have to SIT THIS CYCLE OUT because day 12 of my cycle (the day the do the follie check) will be Good Friday and they aren't open. WTF!? So, do it on Monday when you are open? I don't ovulate that early on my own anyway so why the fuck can't I do it then? I am so flippin pissed.

So pissed....that I called a different dr. one who wrote a book and is supposed to be really good and guess what, they can get me in...IN NOVEMBER!!!! Are you fucking kidding me? 7 months from now. I made the appt cause at this point what do I have to loose but if I am not pg by NOVEMBER...someone better fucking kill me.

I am beyond depressed...I am beyond desperation here. I don't know what to do. Give up? Be happy with my life how it is? Become a foster mom? I don't know what to do. I know I will never be happy childless...thats for sure. So...I guess I wait till November (isn't that a song?) *sigh*

All Moved In

We moved into our new house on the 14th of March. My last day at work was March 13. Things have been one giant blur but I am well on my way to relaxing and focusing on myself and school. I plan to look for a part time job but for now, I am just going to take it easy. The new house is coming along nicely. It has some fixing up to do but we got it for a pretty good price so it will all be worth it in the end. It has 4 bedrooms and 3 baths so we will be prepared for a litter of children if it should happen. Otherwise, I will just pass all the empty rooms with sorrow.

On a fertility note, I got a response from a Dr. in New York that specializes in fertility and he said that my Dr. is correct and that the clumping of sperm that was present in my husbands sperm analysis should not pose a problem and that if needed could be fixed with IUI. This is the same thing my Dr. told me but online research had responses that varied greatly. I had 1 perfect sized follicle (egg) this month but my mom was in town so we didn't get busy as much as we should have. All the pertinent days were covered but I like a few extra for good measure. So, next week is my pg blood test, we will see if I get that far. Wish me luck!

yet another infertile month

Weird.

I got my period this past wednesday. So, on to another month of drugs, ultrasounds and planned sex. Yippeeee! I swear, I must be the luckiest person alive. *sigh*

On another note, we bought a house and move into it next weekend. Just in time for the planned sex. Maybe, it will bring us some good luck. Here's to hoping!