Chemical Pregnancy

What is this you ask? Here is what I found while G.oogling the subject:

A chemical pregnancy is the clinical term used for a very early miscarriage. In many cases, the positive pregnancy test was achieved before the woman’s period was due but a miscarrige occured before a heartbeat was able to be seen on an ultrasound.

Early testing shows chemical pregnancies which would not have been detected had the woman waited for her period to arrive. Chemical pregnancies are unfortunately very common.

Why blog on this? Well, because it is exactly what happened to me this month. After 2.5 years TTC I finally had my first chemical pregnancy. it.sucks.

Lets just start by saying that my progesterone came back at 18.4 at 7DPO(days past ovulation) this month which is the LOWEST it has ever been. When I was pregnant with my angel it was 39 on 7DPO. The weird thing is that my nurse and Dr. were pretty darn excited about this which was a source of complete distention with me since it was the LOWEST it had ever been. WTF? Do these people read my charts?? Anyway, back to the point....I had NO hope of being pregnant since finding out on Monday that it was 18.4.

Here is the kicker. Those freaking A-holes were right!? I went for my blood test Thursday at 14DPO (a week later) and on Friday I get a call from the dr. Unfortunately, I was unable to take the call. The message said "call me back." Code for you are totally pregnant and I can't say that on a voicemail. So, upon hearing this message I am like "OMFG! I am pregnant!" Translation=oh my fucking GAWD, I am pregnant!"

Here is where it takes an unfortunate turn. I call back and the nurse says your levels show SOMETHING but the Dr. wants you to come back in a week and retest to be sure. OK. Not good. So basically, I am pregnant but my levels are so low they aren't willing to utter those words.

I make the appt. for the following week and prepare to be on yet another 10 week rollercoaster ending in misery only praying that it be over sooner if it isn't going to be the real deal. Saturday (3 days late) I start spotting brown and cramping...which is exactly what happened with my angel at exactly the same time. great.here.we.fucking.go.again. So I beg that it be over soon if it isn't going to be sticky and then this afternoon...bright red flow.

Im sad. But I am more sad that I should be 34 weeks pregnant and preparing for a baby in a month or so. Instead, I am barren as ever and well...pretty fucking emotional. Life is Grand. Someone please tell me when enough is enough? When does the pain end? When is it my turn to get off the rollercoaster and on to the motherhood bus? I pray that it is soon.